Only What You Can Handle

What does it feel like to live in a home with both parents? Whenever I see my cousins or friends who have a healthy relationship with both of their parents, I can’t help but smile and be happy for them.

When I was 9 years old, my mother became a single parent and a widow. Growing up, my siblings and I watched how my father slowly fell into an alcohol addiction. As a family we tried to get him all the help he needed and all the love and support we could possibly give.

Sometimes, not even all the love can bring a person back from the dark place they fell into. The hard part was after he had passed because while we battled with depression of losing him, we could not fully let ourselves go because life was still moving for us.

What was also left behind is the responsibilities of bills. My mother struggled a lot with keeping up with payments, I do give her credit because she never once gave up on us or herself. She taught us how to be resilient and humble.

In total, starting from elementary to high school, I attended 14 different schools. For so long I thought that I would never find a place where I felt like I belonged, I stopped trying to make friends and I never got involved in extracurricular activities because I knew I would end up quitting.

Graduating high school, I had a plan to go to college and live away from home, I was terrified because in the back of my head I was doubting that I could fit in and stay in school. Not to mention being the first in my family to go to college was already enough pressure.

Freshman year of college came around and tuition payments hit, I felt the pressure of adulting and taking responsibility for my own education. My family back home was stable, and I did not want to add more payments to my moms list. I began looking into how I could save money and still be able to attend school.

Spring quarter of my Freshman year I became a resident assistant for university housing. Now, I am a third year in college and third year being a resident assistant. I believe that I have gained a sense of belonging. In my job position I use what I know to help first generation students, Latinx community, students who abuse drugs, whatever that may be, and students who struggle to fit in. I love to encourage them in their educational and life goals overall.

I am a strong believer of the saying that God only gives you what you can handle.

As bad as it was to lose my father, I thank him for making me strong and leaving me with enough love from my mom and siblings so that I am able to give that love to others who might need it as well.